An Astral Perception
by existential1rony
Summary: What happens to Jay immediately after the events of 7x09's "Absolution?" Will he survive? Will he find his way back to Hailey? And how would it happen? We could all use a little believing...


**[Disclaimer: It pains me that I have to do this because I sadly still have hope in humanity and morals, but alas... It's been brought to my attention that some people have been stealing my stories. I ONLY post on FanFiction and ArchiveofourOwn... so if you come across anything of mine on Wattpad or any of the socials, please report it. Thank you! And to the offenders, be better people!] **

* * *

Jay Halstead remembers choking for air, staring up into a seemingly endless warehouse ceiling where darkness was creeping more and more into his periphery. He can feel his chest gasping as it rises up and down abnormally, struggling for any and all oxygen it can find. The blackness wants to take full control to end his agony before he hears _her_ voice screaming and crying. It sounds like she's miles away, but he'd recognize it anywhere.

"_Jay, Jay, JAY, please!_"

He's never heard such anguish in Hailey Upton's tone, not even the first time she was there when he got shot. With his one good eye he can make out her blurred face hovering over him and he swears he feels a drop of wetness hit his cheek, as if her tears want to cleanse him of his sins. He wants to tell her he's sorry, that he should have listened to her, but all that comes out when he tries to speak is a muted "O" sound masked by physical pain. He manages to raise his right hand a little and place it atop hers that are pushing on his chest, trying to stop the blood that's gushing out. He hears her sob even more, the sound muffled to his weakening senses, but echoing across the empty and silent warehouse. He wants to keep looking up at her, his beautiful Hailey, this amazing, caring, and loyal woman that he falls more in love with each day and now wishing he would have told her… but the struggle to not embrace the quiet, painless darkness is becoming harder and harder. He feels himself begin to fade, not even her voice able to keep him this time…

His next state of awareness is hearing her again as his eyes keep bobbling back and forth. This time he senses people around him, and there's light, as if he's finally outside again after 18 hours of being stuck in a windowless building. He feels like he's being pushed, but can still make out her face looking down at his.

"_Stay with me, Jay, stay with me!_"

He wants to. There's nothing in this world or in his life that he's ever wanted more than to be with her, always. He fights like hell to stay alert this time. He swears he hears his boss' gruff voice near his ear as well.

"_Hang in there, Halstead_!"

The next thing he feels is being lifted and pushed up and the sounds of sirens invading his ear drums. He can breathe easier now, as if something is assisting him. But even with that, another wave of complete and utter exhaustion hits him again. Before the blackness takes hold once more, he feels a small and warm hand grasp one of his and he just knows it's hers. Absolute comfort envelops him then. If this is his last moment, he's completely okay with her being the last thing he feels, in every sense of the word…

* * *

Minutes, or hours, or maybe even days later he comes to briefly again, this time surrounded by lights. He hears various people, and chaos, and machines, and then he recognizes one last concerned voice.

"_WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED_!?"

It's his brother, Will. He doesn't sound pleased and definitely sounds worried. He'd like to tell him he's okay, but he feels coldness spread through his veins. Whatever it is, it's making him woozy again, and before he knows it, he's alone in the dark for who knows how many times at this point.

Suddenly, there's a bright light and an amazing warmth that he just wants to run towards. And at the end of it, he sees the one person he's always wanted to, but never thought he'd see again… his mother. She's shaking her head, but it doesn't deter him. He starts sprinting as fast as he can to her, but it's as if he's on a treadmill and not really moving anywhere. Completely confused by it all, he hollers out.

"Mom?"

"It's not your time, honey." She responds soothingly, as if no time has passed at all.

"But I miss you so much!" he cries back.

"I do too, but I'm always with you even if you can't see me. If you come to me now though, you'll cut your time short with everyone else you love. You'll cut your time short with Hailey…"

"_Hailey…_" he whispers, suddenly remembering.

As much as he misses his mom, and dad, and Al, and every other countless person he's lost, he's not ready to give up Hailey yet. It's too soon. There's so much left unsaid. There's so much life they have to live, together.

"Go, go back to her, honey. I'll always be here waiting when you're ready…"

He feels himself swallowing back tears, shocked that it's even possible wherever they are. "I love you, mom!"

Suddenly he feels her presence all around him, and the brush of her lips on his cheek like she used to do when he was a little boy. He closed his eyes to savor it and the next thing he knew he was suddenly in Med's waiting room.

He looked around, completely baffled by how he got there. He was in a hospital gown and there were uniformed police standing around everywhere, talking amicably, but also looking somber. All of a sudden his attention gets drawn to a far corner and he spots Hailey completely alone. There are a couple of empty chairs next to her like they had been vacant for a while, but no one dares come near them in case the prior inhabitants return. She looks completely exhausted, as if she's been up for days and crying for hours. Her left elbow is leaning on the armrest with her forehead in her palm and her fingers in her messy ponytail. There's a coffee cup at her feet, completely discarded. She appears just as dejected. He runs over to her immediately, wanting to envelop her in a hug and let her know he's there.

"Hailey!"

He calls out and she doesn't react, no one does in fact, and for some reason he can't touch her.

"No, no, no." he mumbles to himself.

He wants her to know that he's not leaving her, that he'll always be with her, and that he'll be fine. He sits in the chair next to her, realizing it won't do any good, but has to try anyway. He leans his head as close to her as this "plane" or whatever it is will allow, and whispers in her ear.

"Everything's going to be okay. I'm going to be okay, and _we're_ finally going to wake up. We're going to do our thing. I'm not going anywhere, not without you. Remember, I go where you go!.."

She moves her head slightly, and for a moment there's recognition on her face, but just as soon as it arrives, it's gone. He realizes he's done all that he can do from here and knows it's time to figure out his way back to her. He makes as much of an attempt as he can to kiss her forehead and then he's on the move through the hospital.

There's this strong magnetic pull that seems to be guiding him now, and it's not until he reaches his final destination that he knows why. He's now in a room, staring down at his lifeless looking body in a hospital bed in the same gown he's wearing. What an acid trip this feels like. His body is surrounded by machines and IV's and looks like he got the shit beat out of him and was shot, mostly because well, he was. But he also looks surprisingly peaceful, like he's getting his best night's sleep in years.

Near the left of the bed he finally notices Dr. Marcel talking to Wil. He tries to focus hard to hear all that's being said.

"He coded for about a minute, but we managed to revive him again. And the good news is we caught the clot before it hit his heart. As you know, it can be a side effect of this kind of surgery and trauma…"

"I get all that, but what are the odds that it won't happen again?"

"Will, you know as well as I that I can't answer that… your brother's a fighter though!"

Jay notices that Will looks the worst he's ever seen him. He knows that just like Hailey, Will won't be able to hear him in this state, but he tries to comfort him anyway.

"I'm gonna be alright, bro. I'm here, I'm coming back…"

He watches Marcel leave as Will plops in the chair by his bedside. At this point, Jay's just ready for this to be over. It's all getting a little too weird for him. But man, will he have a newfound respect for spirituality once he wakes up. Finally, he does the only other thing he can think of, hoping it will work… He lays back on the bed, into his body, and suddenly blackness takes hold again…

* * *

Hours later he feels tingling in his extremities and all of his senses beginning to return. He hears _her_ again, this time more clearly.

"I love you so much, Jay. Please don't leave me, _please_. I don't think I can survive without you, I don't want to…"

He hears the sad begging in her voice and it breaks his heart, but her words are enough to wake him from near-death any day. He's never been happier to have been shot. He feels her hands encircling his and her warm breath near his ear. He blinks a few times, trying to break the crust that's worked so hard to keep his eyes closed. Well, no more. His mouth is completely dry, but he tries to swallow slowly, wanting his voice to not sound completely hoarse the first time she hears him say these words.

"I love you too!"

He watches her head pop up from near the side of his in shock to look down at him. He sees the tears in her eyes well even more as she looks at him in awe.

"Jay?" she whispers out, as if shocked he's actually awake and alive, needing to know it was real.

"I guess you're still following me, huh?" he makes his best attempt at a joke, feeling like he won the world when her lips rise up into the hugest, cheesiest grin she's ever given him.

And then they just stare at each other, like they've done countless times. No other words need to be spoken. Their eyes speak volumes and the weight of this moment they know they'll carry with them for the rest of their lives. He uses all of his strength to raise one of his hands to cup her cheek and draw her face closer to his. She immediately obliges and he brings his lips to hers. And it's as if he's having an outer-body experience again, he swears he sees stars. He would gladly take a bullet everyday if it ended with this moment with Hailey. She's the best light he's ever returned to…

* * *

_[A/N: Just another one-shot I wanted to get out before the Winter premiere. I thought it would be interesting exploring Jay's mind-frame while going through this trauma, and have seen things on social media wondering it. I've also always been intrigued by near-death experiences, so viola. No matter what you believe in, hope this offers you some Jay comfort, and in general. Thank you all for your time, as always!] _


End file.
